I felt nothing

I dont know…

I just felt nothing today…

Before i was always worried..

What am i going to do today…

What i needed to accomplish..

Always in a hurry, always planned

liked an idiot .. so serious . Im not like This before…

But now, i Dont  care at All. Have a Lot of meetings? ill check my schedule. So many  support needed from different units? Where are you? ill see what i Can do Best!  So many calls,things needed from me, from the Office and at home?  i will see what i Can do!

also i was thinking about my post yesterday.

being so Tired .

i guess im just Tired of myself.

not anymore. I Will stop overthinking.

I Will be a new me. I hope I can. But I will.

No more wanting attention and no more what if.

Like asking attention from my husband. Let me tell How much i Love him. I may have Lost in faith with our relationship for the past years on and off ,  had arguments Last week . but i still Love him. I Will Love him as long as i lived. If he got to a point he felt out of Love . If he may commit sin, I Will continue to forgive him. Because i Love him. I Will set him free If he want to. I know im not the perfect wife. I Will Love him as long as i Can. MayBe its just my mind. You know , girls , overthinking . But  I trust him. Will continue to trust him. Until I can.

But now, it’s all about  Me.  I just stopped wanting , craving for attention. Whenever someone had someone attention, like for example my boss,  I was the one first but she entertained the next one, I felt unwanted. When some people get recognised , I always think, are they better  than me? Why are they given opportunities , why not me? When at home mother always love my sisters when they were around, but I’m the one here , why not me? (Just seldom i know my mom loves me)

In everything.  Everytime i felt unwanted , i start to day dream…

That I was very rich. I don’t have to worry about money. That I have everything I wanted . I’m a princess. In my own castle.  Then there will come This  Prince on a White horse. We will get married (like Crazy Rich Asian wedding) . We will live on our  Winter Palace. He Will bring me to Beautiful places i have never Been. He Will Love me endlessly. My dear , he will sing to me everyday. He Will Love only me.  We Will spend our day  jogging every morning. Then at noon, I will cook and prepare lunch for him  ( oh I forgot we’re royal highness ) our maids will prepare all our daily meal. We will spend afternoon eating ice cream even during winter . Then there will be days we will be just seating all day long drinking coffee or reading books (Christian grey) planning to conquer and travel the world  . We Will learn all the languages (its needed for every Kingdom gathering ) . I will ask him teach me ice skating and snow boarding (prideofgypsie) . I will be able to see  autumn trees and leaves on my feet (no need to post on instagram everything happening )  On summer weekends,  we Will go to the feed the duckS in the ponds and feed nuts to squirrel. I Will ask him to try new Movies every week. I Will Go ask him to have a Leave from his kingdom for a while  and Go first time surfing in Siargao with me. Or to El nido. Hehe sounds funny. But This is me. Hallucinating (Because I watch a lot of movies  hehe)

But today, i just stopped dreaming . I stopped wanting anything. No more daydreaming. No more asking attention from everyone. I Will Focus on mysef , my Health and my dreams. What’s my dream anyways? I dont know. Be happy I guess. I just want to be fully happy. On my own. Then once I’m super happy and love myself , I can love poeple around me truly. I Will Love them with all my heart. No what ifs. Will give back Love to Those who loved me or even they dont Love me.  Just Give Love, no wanting back.

I Will try to prove everyone that i Can achieve my goals on my own. One step at a time. (Nonsense) If i want to finish my career still  here (Gosh 12 years) and still I can’t be proud of myself. Maybe Go outside the country and live in new Zealand . Have a baby everyone’s is pressuring me… So please stop . Haha. One step at a time.

I felt nothing . But now, suddenly i felt my own value. I guess we should feel nothing’s first before we appreciate we have. We Should Love  ourselves.

No regrets. What I have done in the past. Or what I haven’t done. Or what I might be doing wrong in now. No more Feeling in secure . No more putting me down. No more . No less.

I think im so depressed This past weeks and nobody to talk to because i dont want to. I dont want to talk about It.

But now , This Will be my Last time to talk about This bullshit feeling.

This is Me.  Never sorry. The end. Talking about my self. Again . Hehe . I Will not kill myself dont worry . Just want to let you know, you are not alone If your feeling Like This sometimes. It’s okay sometimes Im happy being alone too. I don’t have someone to nag what to do. Alone but happy. Want to be more independent and don’t ask someone’s help and doing what I want.   But sometimes at The end of the day we all need someone to talk to. Because they care and THey listen.

Or Just asked God for guidance sometimes even you dont believe him. Its nice to talk to him If nobody listen. The devil will made you think they are there for you. But they are not.  Life is short. Live it to the fullest .

Or write Like what i a.m doing today. Expressing my feelings. Out in public. No regrets! Just lessons! Haha !

C’est La vie!

 

sharing below. THIS song inspire me today to live my life.  Don’t stop me now..

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Tired

What’s my life purpose?

Thinking about it lately…

Why am I hear on earth? Is my life purpose to serve and please others?

Maybe I’m just tired…

tired of thinking over and over again

Thinking about you …

 

 

Grey Quotes

Why do bad things happen to good people? We ask that question so often, it’s become a cliché. But that’s because bad things do happen to good people. Constantly. You just have to hope that, when it’s your turn, you’ll know what to do – how to cope, how to persevere. But the truth is: you don’t know how you’ll react to your worst case scenario. None of us do. Not until it happens.

4 kinds of People

I do not want to label people, because i might sound rude and give a lot of negative about them instead of telling each type. i am that kind of person, before. i gave an ish (ish meaning something that comes out after eating a lot)  about anyone. i always have something to say of all the people i  met. Whether one girl was just introduced to me,  i always have something on my mind :Why is her hair like that? (As if i have the  perfect hair)

But today, i learned something new today from Bro Bo Sanchez . The Four Kinds of People . That we should determine our own self, instead of identifying others. This is not about physical type, like some are thin, some are fat, etc.

  1. Go Persons – These are the life of a party. Who always have something to give, share, they have many things to give so the tendency is to give and give until all of them were gone and they feel empty. There should be balance. It is better to give than to receive, but sometimes, some people have nothing left to them and then people start complaining. (Hugot!) You pour then you run out. There is no more balance. “Without Balance, Passion will not last. “Then with no balance, you will become more stressed, sickness will come, sin perhaps may add because you think you give more.  Bro Bo gave an assignment, to write on a piece of paper The People who Nourish You and People who are Toxic to You.  (You may want to read this article, 8 types of Toxic People to Avoid! I’m sure all of you can relate. Oh number 1 is blank. I should start unfriending this. This will not help me nourish (wink)  http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/246016
  2. No Persons – There is only one answer to everything. No! As quoted on one of my fave movie Enchanted : Giselle (Amy Adams) ask Robert (starred by my fave Mcdreamy Patrick Dempsey)  : Is that the only word that you know? “No?” These are self-centered people. Unlike the Go Person, they always have something to give, but the No Person fear of losing something, they will not give any. Not even a drop. Just like Bro Bo’s example of the glass full of water. Do you think without giving any water the water will still be there forever (may forever?) No! The blessings you had is temporary and they do evaporate after a period of time and can be withdrawn depending upon our actions.
  3. The Flow Persons – the broken, the desperate, give it all! These people have a glass with cracks. The experience they have tend to neglect what are the more important to them. They continue to waste the water they have since they knew where to get the source. They knew someone was there to support them, they forgot to help themselves.
  4. The Overflow Persons – These people have a lot to give, The blessings are overflowing that’s why it okay if nothing is left to them, the blessings keep on coming. Because they knew how to balance their life, if at first they are a Go Person or a Flow Person who have been hurt, but because of that experienced, the used that experienced to give light to themselves and bless others, that’s why blessings keep coming back. Like a Boomerang, you are all out but it keeps on coming! We all hoped one day we’ll be like the Overflow people. Who will not feel empty? Will not say No to all , No fear, no Buts, No What ifs. Become like them who will  from Flow persons, will learn to heal, to forgive. Today  i learned the difference between forgiveness and mercy. When we Forgive, like Jesus, no more repetition of the past. I forgive you, but do not mixed what has been done before. Mercy on the  other hand is a  compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

As Pope Francis said,

“God forgives all,God understand us, even in our limits, and understands us even in our contradictions.”

“With his love he tells us that when we recognize our sins he is yet closer to us and spurs us to look ahead,” said the pontiff. “When we recognize our sins and we ask forgiveness there is a party in Heaven. Jesus throws a party! This is his mercy: Do not be discouraged.”

“ ‘I cannot come to forgive,’” “But how can you ask God to forgive us, if we are not capable of forgiveness?”

Forgiving is a big thing, sure,” “However, if we open ourselves to welcome the mercy of God for us, at our turn we become more capable of forgiveness.”

Open Wide!

 

Have Faith 

Whenever you feel a negative emotion be alone in a room and just sit down with it and feel. Don’t judge it, criticize it, intellectualize it, explain it away. Allow yourself to feel the pain. It’s okay. Accompany it – breathe into it – and after a while, you’ll feel the anger or fear or sadness lose it’s urgency and power. Allow God to tenderly embrace you in your pain. And then, at the right time, you can let go. – Brother Bo Sanchez   

  

When im Gone

Hi, its 2015. This is my First post. I don’t actually post often since im busy. Char! Anyways, just like to share to you my song for myself. When Im gone. Its my song if i am weak. If i feel hopeless and feeling that nobody will miss me when im gone. Feeling unappreciated at work, home, all the people around me. Its time to do something. I dont know it yet but im taking things slow. This song makes me positive that i can do more each day. I love the singer Anna, and the movie  Pitch Perfect, BTW, it has part 2 this May already. Cant Wait. Happy Singing.

Daily Prayer

09.17.14
Lord, Thank you for the day. Thank you for everyday blessings.Thank you for the birds flying in harmony, the clouds, the sun, everything.
Lord, i offer you my life. Let me be strong in all daily challenges and give me strength.
Forgive me for being self centered and not taking good care of my health.
I will never lose hope. I will continue to fight. Forgive me for over thinking everything.
Please also bless those who care for me. Those who love me.
Guide them with your Grace lord. Keep them safe always.
In Jesus name. Amen

Aja!…

Aja!

“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson