I felt nothing

I dont know…

I just felt nothing today…

Before i was always worried..

What am i going to do today…

What i needed to accomplish..

Always in a hurry, always planned

liked an idiot .. so serious . Im not like This before…

But now, i Dont  care at All. Have a Lot of meetings? ill check my schedule. So many  support needed from different units? Where are you? ill see what i Can do Best!  So many calls,things needed from me, from the Office and at home?  i will see what i Can do!

also i was thinking about my post yesterday.

being so Tired .

i guess im just Tired of myself.

not anymore. I Will stop overthinking.

I Will be a new me. I hope I can. But I will.

No more wanting attention and no more what if.

Like asking attention from my husband. Let me tell How much i Love him. I may have Lost in faith with our relationship for the past years on and off ,  had arguments Last week . but i still Love him. I Will Love him as long as i lived. If he got to a point he felt out of Love . If he may commit sin, I Will continue to forgive him. Because i Love him. I Will set him free If he want to. I know im not the perfect wife. I Will Love him as long as i Can. MayBe its just my mind. You know , girls , overthinking . But  I trust him. Will continue to trust him. Until I can.

But now, it’s all about  Me.  I just stopped wanting , craving for attention. Whenever someone had someone attention, like for example my boss,  I was the one first but she entertained the next one, I felt unwanted. When some people get recognised , I always think, are they better  than me? Why are they given opportunities , why not me? When at home mother always love my sisters when they were around, but I’m the one here , why not me? (Just seldom i know my mom loves me)

In everything.  Everytime i felt unwanted , i start to day dream…

That I was very rich. I don’t have to worry about money. That I have everything I wanted . I’m a princess. In my own castle.  Then there will come This  Prince on a White horse. We will get married (like Crazy Rich Asian wedding) . We will live on our  Winter Palace. He Will bring me to Beautiful places i have never Been. He Will Love me endlessly. My dear , he will sing to me everyday. He Will Love only me.  We Will spend our day  jogging every morning. Then at noon, I will cook and prepare lunch for him  ( oh I forgot we’re royal highness ) our maids will prepare all our daily meal. We will spend afternoon eating ice cream even during winter . Then there will be days we will be just seating all day long drinking coffee or reading books (Christian grey) planning to conquer and travel the world  . We Will learn all the languages (its needed for every Kingdom gathering ) . I will ask him teach me ice skating and snow boarding (prideofgypsie) . I will be able to see  autumn trees and leaves on my feet (no need to post on instagram everything happening )  On summer weekends,  we Will go to the feed the duckS in the ponds and feed nuts to squirrel. I Will ask him to try new Movies every week. I Will Go ask him to have a Leave from his kingdom for a while  and Go first time surfing in Siargao with me. Or to El nido. Hehe sounds funny. But This is me. Hallucinating (Because I watch a lot of movies  hehe)

But today, i just stopped dreaming . I stopped wanting anything. No more daydreaming. No more asking attention from everyone. I Will Focus on mysef , my Health and my dreams. What’s my dream anyways? I dont know. Be happy I guess. I just want to be fully happy. On my own. Then once I’m super happy and love myself , I can love poeple around me truly. I Will Love them with all my heart. No what ifs. Will give back Love to Those who loved me or even they dont Love me.  Just Give Love, no wanting back.

I Will try to prove everyone that i Can achieve my goals on my own. One step at a time. (Nonsense) If i want to finish my career still  here (Gosh 12 years) and still I can’t be proud of myself. Maybe Go outside the country and live in new Zealand . Have a baby everyone’s is pressuring me… So please stop . Haha. One step at a time.

I felt nothing . But now, suddenly i felt my own value. I guess we should feel nothing’s first before we appreciate we have. We Should Love  ourselves.

No regrets. What I have done in the past. Or what I haven’t done. Or what I might be doing wrong in now. No more Feeling in secure . No more putting me down. No more . No less.

I think im so depressed This past weeks and nobody to talk to because i dont want to. I dont want to talk about It.

But now , This Will be my Last time to talk about This bullshit feeling.

This is Me.  Never sorry. The end. Talking about my self. Again . Hehe . I Will not kill myself dont worry . Just want to let you know, you are not alone If your feeling Like This sometimes. It’s okay sometimes Im happy being alone too. I don’t have someone to nag what to do. Alone but happy. Want to be more independent and don’t ask someone’s help and doing what I want.   But sometimes at The end of the day we all need someone to talk to. Because they care and THey listen.

Or Just asked God for guidance sometimes even you dont believe him. Its nice to talk to him If nobody listen. The devil will made you think they are there for you. But they are not.  Life is short. Live it to the fullest .

Or write Like what i a.m doing today. Expressing my feelings. Out in public. No regrets! Just lessons! Haha !

C’est La vie!


sharing below. THIS song inspire me today to live my life.  Don’t stop me now..



What’s my life purpose?

Thinking about it lately…

Why am I hear on earth? Is my life purpose to serve and please others?

Maybe I’m just tired…

tired of thinking over and over again

Thinking about you …



Grey Quotes

Why do bad things happen to good people? We ask that question so often, it’s become a cliché. But that’s because bad things do happen to good people. Constantly. You just have to hope that, when it’s your turn, you’ll know what to do – how to cope, how to persevere. But the truth is: you don’t know how you’ll react to your worst case scenario. None of us do. Not until it happens.

4 kinds of People

I do not want to label people, because i might sound rude and give a lot of negative about them instead of telling each type. i am that kind of person, before. i gave an ish (ish meaning something that comes out after eating a lot)  about anyone. i always have something to say of all the people i  met. Whether one girl was just introduced to me,  i always have something on my mind :Why is her hair like that? (As if i have the  perfect hair)

But today, i learned something new today from Bro Bo Sanchez . The Four Kinds of People . That we should determine our own self, instead of identifying others. This is not about physical type, like some are thin, some are fat, etc.

  1. Go Persons – These are the life of a party. Who always have something to give, share, they have many things to give so the tendency is to give and give until all of them were gone and they feel empty. There should be balance. It is better to give than to receive, but sometimes, some people have nothing left to them and then people start complaining. (Hugot!) You pour then you run out. There is no more balance. “Without Balance, Passion will not last. “Then with no balance, you will become more stressed, sickness will come, sin perhaps may add because you think you give more.  Bro Bo gave an assignment, to write on a piece of paper The People who Nourish You and People who are Toxic to You.  (You may want to read this article, 8 types of Toxic People to Avoid! I’m sure all of you can relate. Oh number 1 is blank. I should start unfriending this. This will not help me nourish (wink)  http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/246016
  2. No Persons – There is only one answer to everything. No! As quoted on one of my fave movie Enchanted : Giselle (Amy Adams) ask Robert (starred by my fave Mcdreamy Patrick Dempsey)  : Is that the only word that you know? “No?” These are self-centered people. Unlike the Go Person, they always have something to give, but the No Person fear of losing something, they will not give any. Not even a drop. Just like Bro Bo’s example of the glass full of water. Do you think without giving any water the water will still be there forever (may forever?) No! The blessings you had is temporary and they do evaporate after a period of time and can be withdrawn depending upon our actions.
  3. The Flow Persons – the broken, the desperate, give it all! These people have a glass with cracks. The experience they have tend to neglect what are the more important to them. They continue to waste the water they have since they knew where to get the source. They knew someone was there to support them, they forgot to help themselves.
  4. The Overflow Persons – These people have a lot to give, The blessings are overflowing that’s why it okay if nothing is left to them, the blessings keep on coming. Because they knew how to balance their life, if at first they are a Go Person or a Flow Person who have been hurt, but because of that experienced, the used that experienced to give light to themselves and bless others, that’s why blessings keep coming back. Like a Boomerang, you are all out but it keeps on coming! We all hoped one day we’ll be like the Overflow people. Who will not feel empty? Will not say No to all , No fear, no Buts, No What ifs. Become like them who will  from Flow persons, will learn to heal, to forgive. Today  i learned the difference between forgiveness and mercy. When we Forgive, like Jesus, no more repetition of the past. I forgive you, but do not mixed what has been done before. Mercy on the  other hand is a  compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.

As Pope Francis said,

“God forgives all,God understand us, even in our limits, and understands us even in our contradictions.”

“With his love he tells us that when we recognize our sins he is yet closer to us and spurs us to look ahead,” said the pontiff. “When we recognize our sins and we ask forgiveness there is a party in Heaven. Jesus throws a party! This is his mercy: Do not be discouraged.”

“ ‘I cannot come to forgive,’” “But how can you ask God to forgive us, if we are not capable of forgiveness?”

Forgiving is a big thing, sure,” “However, if we open ourselves to welcome the mercy of God for us, at our turn we become more capable of forgiveness.”

Open Wide!


Have Faith 

Whenever you feel a negative emotion be alone in a room and just sit down with it and feel. Don’t judge it, criticize it, intellectualize it, explain it away. Allow yourself to feel the pain. It’s okay. Accompany it – breathe into it – and after a while, you’ll feel the anger or fear or sadness lose it’s urgency and power. Allow God to tenderly embrace you in your pain. And then, at the right time, you can let go. – Brother Bo Sanchez   


When im Gone

Hi, its 2015. This is my First post. I don’t actually post often since im busy. Char! Anyways, just like to share to you my song for myself. When Im gone. Its my song if i am weak. If i feel hopeless and feeling that nobody will miss me when im gone. Feeling unappreciated at work, home, all the people around me. Its time to do something. I dont know it yet but im taking things slow. This song makes me positive that i can do more each day. I love the singer Anna, and the movie  Pitch Perfect, BTW, it has part 2 this May already. Cant Wait. Happy Singing.

Daily Prayer

Lord, Thank you for the day. Thank you for everyday blessings.Thank you for the birds flying in harmony, the clouds, the sun, everything.
Lord, i offer you my life. Let me be strong in all daily challenges and give me strength.
Forgive me for being self centered and not taking good care of my health.
I will never lose hope. I will continue to fight. Forgive me for over thinking everything.
Please also bless those who care for me. Those who love me.
Guide them with your Grace lord. Keep them safe always.
In Jesus name. Amen



“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson



“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm “- Winston Churchill

I have a friend who always says his work and life is a mediocre. At first i thought the meaning of mediocre was ok. Or boring.

Then i decided to google it to find the right definition for mediocre
and it means of only moderate quality; not very good.

Then i started to realized, i have a mediocre life also sometimes.
I am not 100 % happy also with my job. I know i should appreciate that i have a better job compared to others.
Everyday i always thank the Lord of where i am now.
But part  of my mind always says “i can do better than this”.
I can strive more. If only i will escape my comfort zone

It doesn’t have to be that way. Adventure will find you – if you let it

Everyday routine is about doing what should be done.
I hate to compare myself with others, but sometimes i think other co employees are
not doing their job right. Others i noticed, they only come to the office for income. They even didnt come on time.
Did they not realize that customers rely on them. Some even go over break during lunch time.
I dont want to be like them. Thats why i always make it a point to do a daily checklist on what to be done. Even my boss does not require me to do that. Im just preparing everthing in case they asked for it on the future.

One day, i did not notice i started watching my favorite show online.
Others are doing this also, they can even watch 2 and half movie while
on their office time. Me just 30 minutes. But i started to think,
I am like them. I am becoming like them.

Mediocre life does not only come on work.
Even when i got home. My mom always prepare dinner.
I always thank my mom for everyday. I cant live a day without her.

Anyways, Imagine an evening at home, lying on your living room sofa. You are watching TV and flip through the channels to find if there is anything interesting to see
I really love watching because i imagine myself on others  people shoes for the things i was not able to accomplish or go and travel.
Somehow envy is there always.
However, as soon as those feelings come, they fade away just as fast and you start to wonder: “I wish my life was as exciting as these guy’s.

Then i read an article about  escaping mediocrity

 “World: 4% leaders, 96% followers.”

It’s those 4% who actually do something spectacular with their lives and the rest are just following them (instead of creating that awesome life for themselves).
How can i be one of the 4% of people

Here are the things as per article

1. Take responsibility. Don’t blame others for your situation – recognize that your past actions have put you where you are now. Be brave and take responsibility of your current life.

2. Make a decision. Decide to be different and refuse to follow the herd. When you make a decision, truly mean it and stick to it! Say to yourself: “I want to do something awesome that make others go wow!”

Don’t worry about the reactions of others. No matter if they laugh at you, remember that they are most likely jealous because they don’t have the guts to do the same thing themselves.

3. Set a goal that thrills you. Pick that big goal of yours and set the sub-goals that guide you to the big goal.

Let’s say that you want to visit all the countries in the world. The sub-goal would be to visit three new countries every year, while the ultimate goal is to visit all the countries.

Later, you can pick up the speed and decide that this year you want to visit 10 or 20 new countries, instead of just three new countries.

4. Think big, act small. Even if you have defined a big goal, take small steps on a daily basis to get there. Sometimes these daily steps could be bigger ones, but most likely you reach the big goal by making steady, small progress every day.

For example, research the weather conditions of your next destination country or plan out the places where you want to visit when you arrive into that country.

It is also important to keep your ultimate goal on your mind all the time. This helps you to justify your daily actions and keep the momentum alive. The momentum also helps you with your motivation and lowers your chances of giving up too easy.

Have your end goal visible somewhere where you can see it. It could be, for example, on the workroom wall (as a written statement) or you could create a vision board, reminding you of all the great things that will happen when you reach the goal.

5. Stretch your zone every day. This is easier said than done and depends on the goal you are striving for. In our traveling example, it could be doing some research by talking on the Skype with someone who lives in your next destination country.

The main point is that the more you do the stretching, the more you have the confidence capacity. This capacity is what you are going to need during your journey to your goal (and when escaping the mediocrity).

6. Have a support group of people you trust. These are the people who support you when you face difficulties and obstacles during your journey. This group should consist of your closest friends, your family or even your colleagues.

Give a call to your support group when you doubt yourself and let them help you to get back on the track right away!

7. Reap the rewards. Finally, when you have worked hard and reached your goals, it’s time to reflect what has happened, even celebrate a bit.

You have deserved your success – you are not an average person anymore


Too many times we are comfortable with our own lives and we don’t want to stretch our boundaries. Also, we don’t want to take responsibility for our actions.

If you want to escape mediocrity, you have to do the exact opposite: take responsibility and stretch your comfort zone. Actively avoid a mediocre life. It may not be always fun, but I can guarantee you – it is definitely worth it!

thank you http://chrisc.com/mediocre-life/ for the inspiration..